Black Sheep

The first time I saw there was a horror film about killer sheep, I was expecting it to be "baaaad," if you can pardon the pun. But this movie is "shear" entertainment. Black Sheep is a 2006 horror-comedy film from New Zealand. It features beautiful scenery of rolling grassy mountains, as many of you will recognise from Lord of the Rings. While this movie has been compared to Shaun of the Dead, I have yet to see a better horror-comedy film than Shaun. Just think of Shaun of the Dead in a rural setting with zombie sheep instead and you have Black Sheep!

Black Sheep is about the genetic engineering experiments gone-wrong on the protagonist's sheep farm in rural New Zealand. While there is little intimidating about sheep, this movie will make you think twice the next time you wear a wool coat. There is a fair amount of bestiality-related and other raunchy jokes in the movie, but you could expect no less from a film about killer sheep.

The filmography and directing is top-notch. The acting is also commendable. The main characters are lovable and fun, which makes this type of movie even more entertaining to watch. Instead of a bunch of semi-nude teenagers running around idiotically, the main protagonists include a timid guy with a not-so irrational fear of sheep and a feng shui obsessed environmentalist who mistakeningly helped cause the whole mess in the first place.

There are limbs flying, entrails yanked, and a pit of bloody viscera so it is "sheepish" to say that this film is lacking in the horror department. The opening scene of the film will be shocking to any animal lover. The animatronics in the film are deliciously bad. The special effects in this movie is from a company called Weta, which is behind the effects in the Lord of The Rings trilogy. This movie isn't supposed to be taken seriously, so the effects are apt for such horror comedy.

All in all, this is a great monster movie, exactly what you would expect from a movie about killer sheep. This movie is as ridiculous as it sounds, but it is a guilty pleasure. 3.5 out of 5.

The Midnight Meat Train

The 2008 horror film The Midnight Meat Train is based on a short story by Clive Barker. I know the title sounds like a bad porno, but it is really quite a good horror film. The story centers around a photographer, Leon, who follows a serial killer onto a subway and his attempt to figure out what is really going on. I got this movie on a whim, having never heard of it before or knowing anything about it. It starts out like any other horror movie but picks up pace as it goes along, ending in a bang.

The actors are all pretty good. The main actor who plays Leon is a nice looking young guy named Bradley Cooper. He gives a believeable, if sometimes overacted performance. His girlfriend is played by Leslie Bibb. Of all the characters in the movie, she is the most annoying. She plays the annoying, cliched girlfriend who whines too much and just generally gets in the way. She tries to play "tough girl" near the end, but it just comes off forced. We also see a horror film familiar, Roger Bart, who played Stuart in Hostel: Part 2. His part in the movie is not very big, but what he does play is fine. And finally, Vinnie Jones plays the mute killer. Remember, he played a small part in the movie Tooth & Nail that I commented on previously. He is one of the mail characters in this movie and he commands much attention from the audience as he whacks away at his victims.

The pacing of this movie is mostly quick, with just a few parts in the middle that are drawn out. The filmography is very nicely done, making the world of the subways bleak and beautiful, setting this movie a notch above most horror films. The director often gives the viewer a first person view of the deaths and cuts to 3D-like angles of characters being hacked to death. There are times when it feels like the blood is gong to come right off the screen. This is reminiscent of the remake of My Bloody Valentine. The best horror movies are those that are quickly paced with adequate gore, good actors, and beautiful filmography. This movie has all of that.

The gore in this comes ny the bucketful, with characters slipping around in pools of blood and eyeballs popping out of heads, literally. There is no gore spared in this movie, as every death is shown in its fantastical detail. The only complaint I have about the gore in this movie is that it is CGI. I am not usually a fan of CGI blood, but due to the director's manner of depicting the deaths (which is one of the unique aspects of this film) I can understand why it was necessary. It does look a bit fake, but the movie makes up for it in other aspects.

Overall, I give this movie 4 out of 5. Good movie. I will definitely be watching this again soon.

Dead in 3 Days (US)/ In 3 Tagen bist du tot (AT)

Dead in 3 Days is a 2006 Austrian teen slasher flick. It is a fairly predictable film, with every death scene heralded a mile away. While this is not surprising, the fact that this film is a cut above American slasher flicks is. A group of teens who have just graduated from "high school" receive mysterious text messages saying that they will be "dead in three days." What happens next is standard. The teens are picked off one by one while they scurry around, trying to figure out why this is happening to them. This familiarly harkens back to I Know What You Did Last Summer.

The actors are all unknowns who do a fine job. They are not just a bunch of clueless, idiotic drunks running around screaming. Granted, they are just a bunch of teenagers, but they show much more emotion and seem to care more about doing a good job than Sarah Michelle Geller did in I Know What You Did Last Summer.

This movie is a first for Austria, being a slasher flick. And I have to say that it is not all that bad. It is set and filmed in the rural Austrian village of Ebensee, with many shots of the beautiful lake and surrounding town. The cinematography is excellent for a movie filmed with 2 million Euro. While the blood and gore aspect of this movie is lacking, with only one really violent death scene, what is shown is respectably done. The movie does run a little long at over an hour and a half for being what it is. About an hour and twenty minutes in, I was ready for it to be over.

Overall, this movie is predictable, not scary, but not bad either. Respectable acting by unknowns and decent filmography makes this a movie worth watching at least once. 3 out of 5.

Antibodies (US)/ Antikörper (DE)

Antibodies is a 2005 German horror film. It follows the story of small town cop Michael Martens who goes to the big city to interrogate recently caught serial killer, Gabriel Engel. A girl in the small village in rural Germany was brutally murdered. Unless Michael Martens can solve the murder, the town tears itself apart, placing blame on everyone and no one. All the while, Michael himself slowly deteriorates exploring the madness inherent in even the most seemingly god-fearing people. I know, the plot sounds like just another terrible murder mystery, trying to ride on the ragged coattails of Silence of the Lambs. Many parts of the movie are reminiscent of Silence, but this movie is far superior in depicting a serial killer getting into the mind of a verdant cop. Silence paved the way for the creation of this movie. But this is a cut above in many ways. While I am a huge fan of Hannibal Lecter, I also have become a fan of this movie, seeing it for what it is and what it is not.

The beginning of this movie is brilliant. It shows the serial killer Gabriel Engel's capture, beautifully opening for the rest of the movie to follow. Then it cuts to the small town and Michael Martens, laying out the conflict to be resolved by the movie. The movie pacing is a bit slow at times, but it is made up by the fact that it leaves you wanting more when it ends. The killer gets into the mind of our cop and shatters his world while shaking ours. I have seen many movies that depict a killer toying with a cop, but never have a seen one that does so effectively. By the end of the movie, Gabriel Engel has successfully toyed with my mind, making me question my beliefs also. This is a fascinating, brilliantly crafted movie that once you have watched, you will never be the same again.

The level of blood and gore in this movie is low but effectively sparse. What is shown is realistic and shocking, helping to concrete in the mind of the viewer what a monster Engel truly is. There is one graphic sex scene in this movie, especially graphic by American standards. But remember, this is a German movie, where sex is looked upon as less of a taboo to be shown in movies. As I am not normally a fan of sex scenes in movies, usually finding them to be gratuitous and unnecessary, the one in this movie is an important scene, moving this film along to deeper heights and lower lows.

Finally, those of you who have seen it, you're saying, what about the ending; wasn't that lame? Yes, I admit, it was hoakey. But, let's try to overlook this. But, I won't say anymore so as not to ruin it for other viewers. I will say that sometimes a bad ending ruins a whole film, but in this case, it does not ruin the movie by any means. The CGI is distracting and a bit overdramatic.

There has been some talk of an American remake. Anytime a remake is mentioned of any movie, there are always detractors and supporters. In my previous post about Let The Right One In, I say I am looking forward to the remake. For this movie, I do not believe there is much to be improved upon. Any re-envisioning of this movie will likely be sloppy and lackluster. This movie is truly gripping in a stunningly ballsy manner, not shying away from the dirty truth. And that is what makes it the great movie it is. Americans are more touchy about such subjects as child murder and paedophilia. The head-on confrontation with these subjects in this movie makes it what it is, and if you tone down on this, then you might as well not even watch it.

After writing this review, I realised that the director/writer of this movie is Christian Alvart who also directed the amazing Pandorum. Well, no wonder I liked this movie so much!

Superb acting, great script, wonderful plot. 4 out of 5.

Let The Right One In (US)/ Låt den rätte komma in (SE)

Let The Right One In is a 2008 Swedish Vampire movie which as been billed as being brilliant and unlike any other vampire movie made. It centers around 12-year-old Oskar, a lonely bullied boy, and his developing a friendship with a vampire "girl." It is based on a Swedish novel of the same name. This movie garnered high reviews from movie critics and fans alike, claiming this is one of the greatest vampire movies. This movie is currently #200 on IMDB's greatest movies list.

Since I had read the reviews, I had high hopes for this movie. But, I was sorely disappointed. Coming in at 114 minutes, it is a long boring drivel of hyped-up shit. I applaud the actors for their performances. These children actors did a fine job, but damn this movie is slow and boring. I kept waiting for something to happen throughout the movie. I truly can appreciate a good foreign horror film and the moody atmosphere it tries to create. But nothing damn happens in this movie. I was bored about half way through, just wishing it would be over. I know people will accuse me of missing the point of the movie and being too supportive of the shit Hollywood brainwashes people with, but for christ's sake, I don't want to sit through 2 hours of this overrated crap. I love foreign horror movies - think Haute Tension, Inside, and Antibodies. But, each of those movies had more action and more thought provoking scenes than this one.

People predict that the American remake of this film that is slated to come out in this year will be Hollywood crap, and I agree, but I think it will be much more enjoyable than this one. I'm sorry, but painfully slow scenes interlaced with five lines of dialogue and little action are not my idea of a great movie-going experience. Just because I don't like the movie does not mean that I am a dumb American, uneducated and unable to enjoy the finer things of life, as many will lambast solely because I will not pretend to like this movie. I feel sorry for those out there who secretly despise this movie but are afraid to admit it. In fact. I dislike the people who pretend to like it more than I dislike the movie itself. It's an okay movie that was based on a good idea but ended up being a waste of two good hours of my life. The people who pretend to like this movie because they do not want to be told they are tasteless idiots are people I have to deal with every day. They are all around me, pretending to like thing solely because they are told to like them by pop culture shoving likes and dislikes down our throats. At least I can put this movie back in the shelf and forget about it.

This pretentious little movie won't be going away anytime soon, unfortunately. I do plan on seeing the remake and giving it a fair viewing though. I never much cared for vampire movies, except for that gem Vampire in Brooklyn. Boy, did that movie scare the bejesus out of me when I was younger. Now I watch it because its a funny movie that a good waste of time about every six months. I still refuse to watch the bullshit Twilight movies. It's Harry Potter all over again! And I was hard-headed enough to stay off of the Harry Potter bandwagon.

I know I did not review the movie in depth here. There ain't much to say about it. Now I'm just pissed off about the time I spent writing this.

Overall, movie gets 1.5 out of 5.

Turistas

Turistas is a nice little horror film about some American tourists vacationing in Brazil who get caught up in a doctor's sinister plan. I got this movie with mildly low expectations, not foreseeing a masterpiece or even an enjoyable film. But I was quite surprised by this movie. It is a fun horror movie, made decently with good actors and a fine plot. This is what Hollywood horror should be about. This movie does not take itself too seriously throughout, taking the viewer for a gory frolic through the backwoods of Brazil.

Nothing about this film is entirely original. Tourists party on a beach in Brazil and wake up to find their stuff has been stolen. They trek to town to try to find their stuff and find a whole new horror instead. The first part of the film introduces us to the characters and gives us some back story. The character played by Melissa George is the most likable of all the characters and she really helps the movie be the good movie it is. The middle part of the movie ramps up the tension and gives us the gore we were waiting for. And finally, the last part of the movie leads us in a high-paced chase through some under water caves.

This movie has been compared to Hostel, which I will say is a fair comparison albeit not entirely accurate. Hostel has more gore and a better plot. Turistas definitely has gore, but not much of it. Enough to make my boyfriend squirm, but not enough for a true gorehound like me to laud it highly. And the last half of the movie drags on a bit. If they ended it about 10 minutes sooner, then it would have been fine by me.

Supposedly, when this movie came out in 2005, the people of Brazil were offended by its depiction of the country. I am not surprised by this. Slovakia got angry when Hostel came out. The main actor is Turistas, Josh Duhamel, apologised for showing Brazil in such unflattering light, but I don't find this necessary. It's just a movie. No one stopped going to Eastern Europe after Hostel came out. And no one is stopping going to Brazil because of this horror flick. C'mon people! It's just a movie.

See this movie? Sure, it's not bad at all. It's a fun little horror movie and you could spend your time watching worse. Overall, I give it a 3 out of 5.

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

First things first, Wrong Turn and Wrong Turn 2 were good films. There was good acting and good scripts in those movies. So please, if all you ever see is Wrong Turn 3, don't write off the first two.

So what is wrong with this pathetic excuse for a movie.... bad plot, bad script, bad directing, bad characters, bad actors, bad bad bad. It's all just horrible. It took a good idea and took a shit on it. I am less pissed off about wasting an hour and a half of my life than I am pissed about the fact that Wrong Turn 3 has taken a huge steaming dump on two quality movies from the horror genre. This pathetic excuse of a movie should be stricken from the Wrong Turn universe. And please don't make another!

If you wish to know the plot, keep reading. If you don't want to waste anymore time on this filth, then you know everything you need to know about it. The plot turns around a group of escaped convicts forcing a prison guard to navigate them through the backwoods of West Virginia. The con who planned the escape is a Mexican dude who tries to act tough and kill the hillbillies and everyone else around him too. In Wrong Turn 2, we had Henry Rollins giving a superb performance an effective "tough guy." But here, we just have another bad actor pretending to be tough.

The back of the movie cover says the hillbilly family. In saying the word family, you'd think they meant a family. But, in this movie, there are only 2 hillbillies, one of which is dispatched quickly. Instead of having a big ole explosion, you'd think the filmmakers would spring for an actor to play another hillbilly.

This whole film was a wrong turn for the Wrong Turn franchise. I'm sorry. And, I say that to the fans who actually liked the first two. Screw this movie. 1.5 out of 5.